Tuesday, July 8, 2008

way the fuck OT: The stoned movie review...

So the great thing about still having my place in the Jerz is that when I'm not spending time with the lady, I can head back here to get some work done. You know, personal stuff. Work on some bike projects, attempt to reorganize my work bench, or just get stoned and sit around watching movies. Yep, you guessed it. As is most nights, tonight's the latter.

My choices for this evening are: In the name of the father, The Departed and The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift

Tough choice?? Not really.. Tokyo Drift wins it hands down!

For those of you 'lucky' enough to have caught the Previous film in this franchise on UPN 9, might be thinking: Oh for fucks sake, what a nightmare! But you know just as well as I do that Tyresse's pearlier than pearly whites are indeed hard to resist. I don't mean in a gay way either. More like in a I'd kill to have perfect teeth like that instead of these buggered up rottah's kinda way. Not to mention that way he pronounces Hungry (huuun-gree). Watching that movie stoned is kinda like watching The Office sober.. You'll know EXACTLY what I'm talking about whenever you hear Devon Aoki utter any one of her many absurd lines. Then again, if I was as desperate to get away from my father's tourist trap restaurant and dumbass trendy club bouncing brother I'd say just about anything (smack dat ass!) on camera too. Actually, that reminds me. I've got a funny story about good ol' Devon. Once upon a time I found myself at the Benihanna over on 56th street about 8 years ago with some chick. While we were waiting to be seated she looked on the wall and saw a framed photo of Devon on some magazine cover. Said chick remarked: "Oh yeah, this model chick's dad owns this place. At the EXACT same moment she was saying that, I looked over to my right and there was Devon walking towards me. I then turned to said chick and remarked: "You mean her right?" gesturing towards Devon as she slinked by us within earshot. Said chick looked back at me first, then in the direction I was pointing, too late to bare witness to quite possibly THE best timing for a comment about a celebrity. Oblivious to this, said chick said "Who?". To which I replied: "Nevermind".... Wait a minute.. Oh right, fuck- wrong movie! Anyways, back to Tokyo Drift...

One of my favorite parts, well, actually.. I'm way too stoned right now so there's just too many to pin point at the moment, but there's this one in particularly cool part where they're being chased when suddenly come upon what appears to be Shabuya crossing. The way they put that slow motion sequence together with the people parting for the cars like the red sea is purrrrre genius! I also like how they drop a Nissan Skyline engine into a late 60's fastback Mustang- Classy!

If you don't spend many a stoned hour imitating the radder than rad tranny shifting sounds with your buddies (WHAAA BA BA BA BWAAH BWAAAH BWAAAHAHHH!!) after watching this movie, you'll at least be thinking about it constantly...

Way back in 88' my older broham came home with a brand new off the lot Buick Grand National. Yep, the one with the Turbo. Ever since then.... stoned or not, I've always wanted a Turbo'd whip. I guess thats why I can sit here blaze brained watching this shit. And why during the off season I start fucking with my car. Esp since I'm stuck driving it more...

Although I have to say, as far as an exceptionally lame movie goes, this is probably the best assembled one I've ever seen. I mean, imagine if Martin Scorsese was the assistant director on Transformers. It's all the talent in the world but you still have some fucktard hack in charge. Who despite all the brilliant suggestions Marty could and would come up with, only lets a couple slip through. But even with those two or three suggestions the movie you'd been patiently waiting to see for close to a year sucks ass just a liiittle bit less. If only...

FUCK YOU MICHEAL BAY!!!
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